dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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