A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
