so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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