I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
