I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize