i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's get the cat blown out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
