3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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