Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
