this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
