tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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