ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
