I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
