Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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