So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
