hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize
