This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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