since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
