I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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