i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
