Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
