u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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