If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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