Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
