Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
