too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
