And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
