Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
