i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
