I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
