i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
