went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
