I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You took a bar mat shot.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize