Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am available for nakedness
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
