i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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