I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize