guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
