Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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