erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
