I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
