I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize