So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ambien. No doubt about it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize