just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
