Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
