I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
