2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
