wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
