He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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