Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
