I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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