guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
