I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He felt like a one man threesome
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
