Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
