I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
