i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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