i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize