Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
