my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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