I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
