I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
