shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
