does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
