My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
