My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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