some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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