Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
