I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
