ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
