you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
