Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
