I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
