whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
