If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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