i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
