im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I touched a dick in church today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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