My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
